Doubt Boldly: John 20:19-31 - Second Sunday of Easter

¹⁹When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” ²⁰After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. ²¹Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” ²²When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. ²³If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”

  ²⁴But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. ²⁵So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
  ²⁶A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” ²⁷Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” ²⁸Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” ²⁹Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

  ³⁰Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. ³¹But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name. (NRSV)

Easter Flowers by John on Flickr. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

“Oh, Thomas…”

I can just hear the frustrated sighs and grumblings from the other ten disciples when Thomas refuses to believe that Jesus is alive.

Put a group of people together in a room, and you’re bound to have at least one Thomas: someone who’s pessimistic, broody, and always looking at the dark side of things. Think of Debbie Downer from Saturday Night Live or Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

Meanwhile, your group is bound to have boisterous, outspoken, and domineering people. Among the disciples this would’ve been Peter, along with James and John (nicknamed The Sons of Thunder). They were the loudest voices in the room; the natural-born leaders. Many of the quieter folks follow, like sheep—which leads the phenomenon known as Groupthink: the innate desire for harmony and conformity that minimizes discussion, critical evaluation, or dissension.

But Thomas was not one to keep quiet and play along, just because. And I’m sure that this made Thomas a bit of a pariah within the twelve.

It certainly hasn’t made Thomas a hero for us who read the Gospels. In fact, the only disciple to have a reputation worse than Thomas is Judas Iscariot, the betrayer. Yet Thomas’s doubting seems, in a big way, like betrayal. He is refusing to believe the good news that Jesus is alive and that he kept his promises. He is putting conditions on his faith—and you can’t do that. One would expect, then, that if Jesus was going to show up, it would be to condemn Thomas for his doubts and perhaps even terminate his discipleship.  But that’s not what happens.

So instead of looking at Thomas with critical eyes, let’s look at him with gracious eyes. Let’s see him as Jesus sees him.

Thomas has just suffered the terror and trauma of Jesus’ crucifixion. Just before Jesus departed for Bethany to raise Lazarus from the dead, Thomas pledged his willingness to go with Jesus into Jerusalem and die with him. Surely that was on Thomas’s heart as well.

Fast forward to Easter Sunday, and Thomas is absent when Jesus appears to his disciples. Perhaps he was overwhelmed with sorrow and needed some time alone. Perhaps he was hiding out so as not to be hunted down and killed like Jesus. Maybe he was annoyed with the disciples and had to get away from them. Who knows…

Either way, Thomas misses out on the chance to see Jesus alive. What Thomas wants—what he covets—is to see him, hear him, touch him, know him.

It’s not wrong for Thomas to covet his neighbor’s faith; to experience the power and presence of the risen Christ the same way that others do. Therefore, Thomas does what few others would do in his position: he owns his doubt.

Let me explain: for as much as we think of faith as something personal, it is, in reality, deeply interpersonal—and highly susceptible to Groupthink. You see people who appear to have the most vibrant faith. They have no fear when it comes to praying aloud or speaking aloud of what God is doing in their lives. They know the bible like the back of their hand. They go on mission trips and do outreach. They have no vices or bad habits; and they never do anything wrong. And nothing ever seems to bother them; nothing ever goes wrong in their lives.

But you have suffered. You’ve made mistakes. You’ve broken the Ten Commandments four and five at a time! You hear the Gospel promises, then you look at your own life—and it doesn’t add up. You have questions. There are doctrines you cannot accept. There are truths you cannot understand. You’re not one of those “Super-Christians.”

Therefore, you assume that you don’t belong. That Christ won’t accept you. That the Church won’t accept you. Instead of owning and giving voice to your doubts, you avoid them. And before long, you turn away from Jesus Christ and indulge your spirit in other things. You hear the Gospel with indifference. You resign yourself to never having a closeness with the risen Christ.

I truly believe that it’s better to be angry at God than indifferent or apathetic towards God—because at least your turning something towards God.

Thomas’s heart was broken by what he’d been through. The doors to his soul were locked tighter than the doors to the house he was inside. But in the same way that locked doors failed to keep the risen Jesus away, your questions, struggles, failures, hurts, and doubts won’t keep Jesus away. Jesus always said, “it’s not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” Jesus gives special focus to anguished and tormented souls—because these are the ones who need resurrection most of all. Just the same, Jesus needs this church to be a refuge for anguished and tormented souls. We’re not a country club of Christians who have it all together. Instead, we give shelter to God’s children who are burdened with doubts, questions, fears, and shame. Jesus is determined to draw near to you, so that you will see him, know him, and confess with Thomas: “my Lord and my God!”

So don’t hide away your doubts or keep your questions to yourself. Don’t feel that you’re a failure because you have worries and fears. Own them! Doubt boldly!

One way you can do this is to take the doubt offering card—and write a question or a doubt and put it into the plate. If you’d like me to talk it over with you, put your name on it! It can be about anything!

Doubt is nothing to feel guilty about. You can’t have faith without doubt. Yet Jesus reveals himself within the questions, within the fears, within the doubts, within the disappointments. So doubt boldly! Jesus is with you to make the doubts a pathway that brings you to where Thomas is today—to say and believe, “my Lord and my God!”